Bed Time Stories: Sirius Style
by I-brake-for-nifflers
Summary: COMPLETE..........Another J and L fic, from Sirius' POV. What would happen if Snuffles took matters into his own hands? Rated for language... not a oneshot anymore. I have added more chapters. After all, it is Bed Time StorieSSSS, right?
1. The Slightly Handsome Prince Charming

Disclaimer: I do not nor do I claim to have any rights to the Harry Potter Universe…

A/N: Hope you readers like this! It's a totally new perspective for me, so make sure you give lots and lots of comments/constructive criticism! Woo Hoo! Enjoy…

"Once upon a time, there was a devastatingly handsome young man named Sirius Black. He had a…"

I was trying to tell my six-month-old godson, a pink skinned cherub with a shock of jet black fuzz on his head, a bedtime story. I had been interrupted, however, by James Potter's pathetic cough-like attempt to cover his snigger of laughter. James was giving baby Harry a bath in the sink… soap suds were spreading, falling, and floating everywhere. Harry lifted plump little arms toward them, exploring his universe.

"C'mon, Paddy! He's not even one and he can already tell you're full of it!" James nodded at his son, who was now looking at me with large, green eyes. His dark eyelashes were long, and his mouth was curved up into a huge smile. He was laughing at me in a high-pitched gurgle.

"You're just jealous, Prongsie-Poo! And Hare-Bear just has gas. Let me finish my story. Anyway, Harry… This breathtakingly dashing, humble man had a friend named James. James was a prince. He was arrogant, and marginally less handsome than Sirius. One day…"

oooo Three Years Previously oooo

I walked into the common room with an old, dusty book under my right arm. Today was the day… six full years of watching my friend Prongs and love of his life NOT hit it off was really starting to get to me. I was going to make them go on a date if it's the last thing I'd ever do. And it probably would be, knowing how Lily Evans would react! She was like a saber-toothed tiger when she was angry… but I didn't think about that. Prongsie needed me.

I plopped down into the worn, squashy armchair and flipped through the thick pages of the nasty looking volume I had stolen from my parents' library. Eek… there were some painful looking curses in that book, I remember…

After about an hour I found the three spells I needed to carry out my plan. It would just take a little provocation on the part of a certain slimy, hook-nosed grease ball. I wanted this to work so badly, considering what happened the last time James tried to ask Two-Shoes out. He ended up being chased around the school grounds for a half an hour by a particularly over-excited niffler of Professor Kettleburn's. It took Madame Pomfrey three hours to successfully untransfigure the end of his nose… though I must admit he made a nice fork.

Oooo

"Oy, Snivelly!" I ran after Severus Snape as he walked robotically from greenhouse four toward the two large, wooden doors that opened into the entrance hall. I had skived off Binns' History of Magic class to wait for him, not like the amazing floating sleep-inducing machine would even notice I was gone.

"What now?"

"Nothing. I just thought I'd warn you…"

"I don't need your sympathy."

"Believe me, King Snivelly, sympathy is not the right word. I just thought you might like to know what our wonderful Head Girl has been saying to her little girlfriends about you."

"I don't give a damn about what Evans says. She's a mudblood."

"Oh, you see… Evans has been telling everyone else otherwise. She seems to be under the impression that she needs to protect you from James…"

"WHAT!"

"If you were anything like a man, I'd tell you to call her on it. But since little Snivelly-Poo can't properly defend himself…"

"SHOVE OFF!"

I laughed to myself. My work here was done.

Oooo

I dragged Prongsie down by the lake where a medium-sized crowd had gathered. This was it! I was so excited. I saw Snivelly and Two-Shoes going at it in the center of the lopsided semi-circle of spectators. Lily was denying she had ever said that he needed protecting and Snape was turning purple calling her every sort of nasty name imaginable. I looked at James and saw his face scrunch up.

"Who does he think he is the slimy git!" Prongs marched through the curious students and towards the arguing classmates.

At exactly the wrong time for Snape, and the right time for me, James heard the magic word… "mudblood."

He lunged at Snivelly, his muscular arm raised to punch; this was exactly how I knew he'd react…

Lily raised her arm and grabbed his wrist to keep him from being and idiot. Wow, I knew my peers too well, I could really manipulate them! No! Bad thought! Bad Black-ish, Slytherin thought!

I seized the rare moment. It was time for the first spell, so I raised my wand and said "Frigante!"

Time froze right before my eyes. I made a mental note to destroy this spell after I was done with it. Nobody should really mess with time like this, but when had I ever followed the rules?

I wasn't terribly positive as to how long the spell would last, so I hurried into action, running through robes that were terribly still mid-rustle. Past the suspended pollen in the air…

I pointed my wand at the place where Lily's pale fingers touched Prongs' calloused ones. They were going to regret this slight touch for awhile… "Abremous!"

Oooo

Everyone bow to me! I am a sodding genius! Prongsie and Two-Shoes had been stuck together for two whole hours… they had absolutely no idea how it happened and they couldn't find _anything_ to get their hands unstuck!

Was I amazing, or what?

I was just dying to tell them what they would have to do to go their separate ways…

Oooo

"YOU did this to us!" James lunged at me but stopped after he realized he was dragging Lily violently from her hard wooden chair. They were still in the library, and I was just about to give them my terms for their release. This was actually quite amusing.

"Just fix it, Padfoot! Now!" James shot me a look that would make smaller men whither. But I was used to it…

"I won't let you know until you do what I want. Then you are free to butcher me. Deal?"

"Find out what he wants first!" Lily yelled at James.

"Yeah, Sirius, what do you want out of this?"

"You two, on a date." Two jaws dropped simultaneously.

"You CAN'T be serious!" Lily looked absolutely thunderstruck.

"Umm Lils? That's his name…"

"Don't be a smartass!"

"C'mon, Paddy, please unstick us?" James was not very grateful that I had finally succeeded in making Lily even entertain the possibility of a date with him!

"Not until you go on a proper date, Prongsie, I've got it all set up for you…"

"Bastard!" Lily spat at me. (That wasn't very ladylike if I do say so myself.) "I'll do it, but I will NOT enjoy it, and I am not going to any restaurant YOU chose!"

"O.K. Fine. No restaurant then. But you have to come with me to the portkey now, or it could take awhile before you two are able to sleep in separate dormitories."

Both stood up at once, looking highly embarrassed, but my crude words had done the trick!

Oooo

The three of us walked down the road to Hogsmeade after properly informing all the necessary adults that we were leaving. You know, Lily is absolutely no fun most of time. Why did Prongsie like her again?

Anyway, I showed them the moldy newspaper that would take them to a particularly gorgeous rooftop in Venice, in time to watch the sunset on a balmy night. I told them that there was another portkey where they were going to get back, because the newspaper would disintegrate after it was used. There was an anti- apparition spell surrounding the roof, and all the doors were magically sealed, (yes, even from alohamora!) They would only be able to use the return portkey three hours from when they left, because I know them. I know they would find any loophole in my wonderful plan. I would have, too! That's why I was so good at not leaving any…I rule!

So I left them standing on the road, thinking they were alone. As soon as I was out of sight I ran behind the new shop, Zonko's, and transformed into the great, black dog that really was more like me than I was in all my human grandeur.

I strode out into the street in time to wink at Prongs before the paper whisked him away. I picked up a similar paper near the rubbage container at the corner of the road and felt my body spin wildly around my muzzle.

Oooo

I curled up on the pillow I had left for myself when I went to fix up the roof earlier. That building had belonged to a favorite second cousin of mine, one of the holes in the dratted Black family tapestry because he was decent. Oh Well…

Luckily, Lily didn't notice my odd entrance. I had made sure that there was plenty of nibbles for the two dingbats… fresh slices of bread with oil to dip them in, choice wine from an excellent vineyard in Tuscany. Geesh… the one time I was actually romantic and James benefits from it! I decided right then and there to never, EVER, do anything like that night EVER again. Too mushy for my taste! Excellent vineyards? Who was I, a Malfoy? Trying to figure out this mess Prongsie made was really getting to my head! Jackass.

I went up to Lily, pawed at her leg, and tried to look adorable. Foooooood please. I want bread, or something! Pleeeeeeease!

I watched Lily nudge James and ask, "Do you know that dog?"

"Umm…" James was turning pink. "No! No I don't! But I have seen it before, once or twice, and I'm bloody sure it has brain damage."

I made a mental note to bite him later.

"Forget about him, Lils. Don't make this time any worse than it has to be…"

"James?"

"Yeah?" He was leaning back dangerously in the chair, staring into the reds and oranges that painted the panoramic sky, his free hand woven into the messy black hair at the back of his head.

"I thought you wanted to go out with me…" She blushed. She was totally embarrassed. Awesome! I knew she liked him back!

"Still do, Lils. Just not like this."

"But, it's so beautiful here."

James flew out of his seat, and the chair flew out from under him because of its previous practically diagonal position. He fell on the roof with a thud, and looked up at Two-Shoes. She had fallen on him because, well, they were still stuck together! I am brilliant!

"You… you like it here?"

"Yea I sort of do. I guess it… grew on me. But that doesn't mean it's not obnoxious!"

I cocked my head violently in confusion. Were they still talking about Italy?

"Do you think you could stand it, I mean… to um… come back, every once in awhile?"

"Sure. Every day… for a long time."

She hadn't made any attempt to get off of him.

James looked elated.

I wagged my tail like a maniac.

It was time to go back, and use that last spell. I bloody rock.

oooo Three years forward oooo

Harry looked like Father Christmas… he was covered in bubbles. I leaned over and rubbed the top of his head.

"Hare-bare, the morale of this story is… don't grow up to be an idiot like your father."


	2. See No Evil, Hear No Evil

Disclaimer: I own nothing! NOTHING!

A/N: So… Yeah. This was supposed to be an idiotic ONESHOT. (Knight-Fox Chan has just proven to herself that she has no self-discipline whatsoever!) o.0

"Hare-bare, the moral of this story is… don't grow up to be an idiot like your father."

"Now wait just one minute Padfoot!" James was glaring at me… what had I said this time? I was just giving my godson a little reminder that his father was a bloody dumbass. Speaking of Harry, he was now wrapped in a yellow fuzzy towel, resting his head on Prongsie's shoulder. Some of the more resilient bubbles (a.k.a. the bubbles that had immediately sought refuge away from my godson's flailing arms) were still hovering in the air. "You were so much worse than I was in the stupidity department. Why don't you tell Harry about when I proposed to Lils?"

"Hare-bare doesn't want to hear…" I was suddenly interrupted by the only female voice in the household. Oh, crap…

"Oh believe me, Sirius. He REALLY wants to hear this one."

"Hey (gulp) Two-Shoes, didn't see you there…" CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!

"SPILL!" Lily and James said simultaneously.

"Well, Hare-bare... Don't say I didn't warn you. Once upon a time, the evil prince James was sharing a castle with his handsome friend Sirius. James was trying to win the hand of the beautiful princess Lily, and Sirius was getting very annoyed…"

Oo Two Years Previously oO

I was mad. Oh yes, Prongsie-Poo was going to feel my wrath. He was supposed to ask Lily to marry him, and I got all packed and ready to move out of the flat that we shared in London. Well that was the month before. I was STILL packed, but I couldn't leave because Prongs 'needed' me. For a Gryffindor, he was a bloody coward.

We hadn't been out of Hogwarts more than a few months when all this started. James mumbling to himself. Giving speeches to our extremely overenthusiastic bathroom mirror. Forgetting to do certain important things, like eat. He was INSANE. And with the so called 'Dark Lord' on the loose, this was definitely not the time to go all soppy on me. Where was the Prongsie that was so attentive to detail, that when he had turned the fifth floor corridor into a winter wonderland the previous year he added that wonderful spell to make icicles hang from Snivelly's nose when he walked through? WHERE WAS HE!

Don't get me wrong, I loved Two-Shoes. She was the only one that told James how bloody idiotic he was almost as much as I did. I wanted them to get married, but preferably in this lifetime. Merlin, I had to do everything!

So I came up with a plan. Everyone knows that my plans are flawless and amazing, because I bloody rule. I had the polyjuice potion in a small tinted phial that I carried with me everywhere, just in case I needed a disguise at some point. I had James in my flat. I had an extremely cool locking spell that would keep Prongsie-Poo in the bathroom long enough…

So I took some hair from Prongsie's brush. Eww… so completely disgusting. At least it wasn't fingernails. Anyway, I dropped a jet black strand into the phial after James decided to run to Diagon Alley for some more rolls of parchment. I waited for him to come back. I watched him saunter into his bedroom and leave his glasses on the nightstand. He walked into the bathroom that connected both our rooms and shut the door. Here was my chance.

I walked into my bedroom and silently sealed that door to the bathroom, then did the same thing in Prongsie's room. On the way out, I grabbed his glasses, shoes, and some wrinkled bottle green robes out of his clothes hamper. To help James, I would need something from Borgin and Burkes, but I didn't want the shopkeeper to recognize me. I just needed Prongsie's identity for a short while…

I chugged that potion so I wouldn't have to taste the crap any longer than necessary. I felt myself grow an inch or two, and my hair shorten into a messy mop. My eyes spread a half an inch, and a small growth of stubble appeared on my chin. After about one more minute I looked in the small decorative mirror along the wall. I looked almost exactly like James.

There was one major difference though. I could SEE my reflection. Without James' glasses. How was that possible? He was blinder than a bat without them, I should be too! Everybody would know it wasn't really James if I didn't wear the glasses…BLOODY HELL! I was going to have to accomplish this with blurry vision.

I walked out of the door to flat, then apparated into Diagon Alley. I was wonderful and smart enough to put an anti-apparition charm on the flat, because, everybody… _'YOU ARE A SODDING GENIUS!' _That's more like it. I crept near Gringotts, and slipped past the bank into the dark mist surrounding Knockturn Alley. No wait, that was a wall. I think I STILL have the bruise from that collision. These glasses were murdering my eyes.

I was going to buy Prongsie a courage amulet that my cousin, Bellatrix, had sold to Borgin for my dear mother (yeah, right…) in case the Ministry raided Grimmauld Place. I hadn't understood this at all, considering the fact that my disgusting childhood home was hidden from practically everything.

I'm rambling again… Anyway, I was grateful when I saw it was still in the grimy shop. I grabbed the pillow it was sitting on, oops… that was somebody's … I don't want to talk about that! DAMN PRONGSIE'S EYES! The potion must not have worked entirely because it was in my pocket for so long. Okay, so I didn't consider that…but I'm still amazing.

I took the amulet up to the dusty counter and pulled the few Galleons out of my pocket to pay for it. I heard an impatient, fake cough to my left and realized that I was probably trying to buy this trinket from a cursed mannequin that I knew came from Malfoy Manor. Oopsie.

I laid the coins on the counter and ran out of the shop, not even worried about the few knuts in change Borgin owed me.

I tore off the glasses as soon as I apparated back outside the flat and felt my hair growing back to its usual length. I felt my face, and everything seemed to be the way it usually was (thank MERLIN! Being as ugly as Prongsie was hard to live with.) I reached into the pocket of the borrowed robes to make sure I still had the amulet, and went towards the door. I started for the handle, but my hand began to feel sort of odd. Tingly. I couldn't get my fingers around the brass. They were… numb? Now what did I do!

It felt like I had no hands… they were there, but dead, useless weight. It was at this moment when I knew I was in some deep dragon shit. I couldn't get into the flat. I was stuck in the harsh world, I was…really, really dumb. I banged my forehead against the door about four times in frustration.

To my astonishment, somebody answered. Remus Lupin, a.k.a. Moony, looked tired and slightly agitated.

"Why did you lock Prongs in the bathroom? You two were supposed to come out to the Three Broomsticks, remember? But you were late, so I got worried. And I think you need your robe hemmed…you're about to trip over it!"

I slipped past him and walked over to the couch where Prongsie was sitting, still dripping from the shower and wrapped in a white towel. "Damn it, Padfoot! I can't get dressed until you give me my bloody glasses!"

I tried to hand over the glasses, but I just couldn't get my fingers to work right. I shrugged at Moony, who summoned them from my pocket and handed them to James.

"Much better!" Said Prongs, and he raised his head. He looked puzzled. "Padfoot, why are you wearing my robes?" he looked down. "And my shoes!"

I knew this was the time to fess up.

"Well, I'm tho thick uf you bean a thicken thit." OOOOH, SHIT! What could possibly happen to make this day worse? My tongue was sticking to the roof of my mouth!

Prongsie and Moony stared in disbelief. "What the hell have you been doing?" Moony asked me. "I bet that polyjuice potion got used today!" Sigh. They knew me too well.

James jumped off the couch and ran to the doorway, where I was now hovering. He jammed a fist into my left-hand pocket and pulled out the amulet. After a quick look, he handed it to Moony.

"PADDY!" He yelled loud enough to wake the entire building. "WHY IS THERE A MONKEY ON THE AMULET?"

I tried to say "A WHAT!" but it came out as a cross between a choke and a high-pitched squeak. Bloody hell.

Moony was still staring at the damned thing. "Why are you yelling, James?"

"WHAT! MY EARS ARE RINGING! SPEAK UP!"

"He was right, Padfoot. There is a monkey on the amulet. This looks really old, where did you get it?"

My reply was a whiny moan.

"I better go look this up." He turned to head towards James' library and ran SMACK into the wall. "Where did everybody go? I can't see anything!"

DAMN PRONGSIE'S EYES! I must have picked up the wrong sodding amulet!

Moony spoke to me this time. "Sirius, James was supposed to ask Lily tonight! She's coming over in a half an hour!"

I knew my hands were still quite numb, but I managed to scrawl in horrible handwriting a note to Two-Shoes. It read:

_Lily,_

_This whole mess is my fault. I can't talk, James can't hear, and Remus can't see. I think it's because of this amulet I bought. James has been wanting to ask you something for a long time, but he can't because I bought the sodding amulet to give him the courage to do it. Murder me later, ok? And don't touch the amulet!_

I transformed into my wonderful dog state in order to leave a sloppy, inky paw print for a signature. All we had left to do now was wait. Two-Shoes had always liked me better as a dog…

When we heard the knock on the door, I cocked my head and went over to Prongsie, pawing his leg. At least he had gotten dressed.

"COMING!" He yelled as he ran over to the wooden entrance. He swung the door open, revealing Lily Evans with a tremendous smile on her face.

"YOU LOOK AMAZING LILS!"

Lily looked confused. "Why are you yelling James? And what are these guys doing here?"

I bounded over to her with the letter in my mouth. I even gave it extra drool.

She scanned the letter quickly and looked at us boys as if we were idiots.

"Show it to me…" She said to me and Remus.

I gave her my most adorable face before transforming back into my handsome self and pulling the amulet out of Prongsie's robes. I tilted it so she could get a good look without touching it.

She only looked surprised for a moment before she burst out in giggles. Prongs and I exchanged a few well chosen glances.

"You idiot, Sirius! This is a muggle pendant that someone must have cursed. Do you see the monkeys on it? This one has its hand over its mouth. That's you… the 'speak no evil' monkey. This one has a hand over its eyes, Remus… and this last one has its ears covered."

Two- Shoes pulled out her wand and yelled "Finite Incantatem!" At almost the same time, my hands started to tingle again. I dropped the amulet, and Lily then pointed her wand at it. "Reducto!"

The monkeys smashed into millions of pieces and faded from the dirty carpet.

Lily turned to James and said, "Can you hear me?"

He nodded. She kissed him. I recoiled. How can anybody find the exchange of bodily fluids romantic? Ew.

It took Lily a full minute to pull back away from the kiss. She looked him in the eye and practically purred one word: "yes."

"What?"

"Yes I'll marry you."

"But I didn't ask…" My little Prongsie-Poo, so grown up! He looked nothing less than terrified about it.

"I figured it out, from the note Sirius gave me."

James' jaw was almost touching the floor. "PADFOOT!"

After that, he chased me for a few hours. Stags are quite fast. I had done it though… Two-Shoes said yes. Do you know what that means?

I RULE!

Oo Two Years Forward oO

Lily walked over to me, thoroughly depressed after telling Harry THAT story. Not my shining moment. Anyway, She came over and took my face in her slender, pale hands. She gently tilted my head and stood on her toes, kissing me on the forehead. Harry found this so amusing, he spit up all over Prongsie.

"Thank you, Sirius. But it is times like this I really wish I'd kept that curse on you."

Witch.

A/N: Well, what did you all think? I appreciate feedback... hint hint...


	3. A Thousand Times, Goodnight!

Disclaimer: I don't think J.K. ever went by Knight-Fox. So there. And the lullaby belongs to Disney, because it's from Mary Poppins.

A/N: Thanks for all of the reviews, don't worry… I know Sirius is out of character. I sort of made him into Snape's worst nightmare. He is still his prankster self, but with James' arrogance. I almost wrote this story from James' point of view, but when I'm just exploring like this it was so much more fun to play with Siri, my dog star. I tried to make this chapter a little different, switch things up a bit. Remember, I am writing this for my entertainment first and foremost, and I know that. So, if you like it, that's great! I'm glad I could brighten someone's day. If you don't like it for some reason, come up with an idea you think is better and write your own story. How do you think I started writing all my JL fics? If you do that, don't hesitate to send me the story. I don't bite. And review, because I cannot practice legilimency and I do NOT know what you thought of it from reading your mind! O.K., my rant is over. ONWARD!

Witch.

Lily took the extremely tired looking baby out of James' arms and began to sing a muggle lullaby. I pouted. Two-Shoes always seemed to find a way to insult me despite the fact that I'm the bomb. O. K., so maybe I'm not THAT amazing…

…Nah. But I am humble!

"_Stay awake_

_Don't rest your head_

_Don't lie down upon your bed_

_While the moon drifts in the skies, _

_Stay awake…_

_Don't close your eyes."_

I was really tired for some reason, but I didn't let that stop me. "Great job Two-Shoes. Reverse psychology always works on 6-month-olds." This statement earned me a couple of scathing looks from my friends.

"I'll just… I'm just going to…" A huge yawn took control of my face and almost dislocated my jaw. I swear it lasted at LEAST a full minute.

Hare- Bare seemed to find this amusing.

I was just really tired. I wanted to fall down on the couch and drift away…

Oooo Sometime Early the Previous Year oooO

"O.K. Everybody!" I yelled to the noisy living room that belonged to Mr. and Mrs. Potter. I swayed a bit as I stood on the coffee table, wrapped in a dirty duvet cover. I had a small bit of kindling held up to my throat like I was trying to use the sonorous spell. My look was pulled together, if I remember correctly, with a parchement crown. I have no idea how I ended up like that.

"It would be my undying pleasure to announce the official countdown 'til Prongsie and Two-Shoes tie the knot! Prongsie darling, please stay your lovely immature self and make sure the knot is between Two-Shoes', well, two shoes. If she trips, we will honor you forever!" I released a series of hiccups.

Lily, Prongsie-Poo, Moony, Wormy-Kins, Frank, and Alice all glared at me, and I shrugged. I DISTINCTLY heard them mumble something that sounded A LOT like "No more firewhiskey for Padfoot."

I ripped the small stick away from my throat and brandished it like a sword. "WHO GOES THERE? ARRG! NO ONE SHALL STEAL MY BOOTY!" I hid the half empty, sloshing bottle behind my back with the hand not threatening my best friends to the eternal damnation that only firewood can offer. All the movement caused me to fall backward off the coffee table. "SHIT!" I screamed. "MY ASS IS BROKEN!"

Prongsie came to my rescue while the others sniggered. He pulled me up, and said, "Padfoot. In all your drunken glory…"

I interrupted him, "Why thank-eeee matey!" I had a large smile on my face. I just wanted to find out if I could see all my teeth in the large mirror on the opposite wall.

"Anyway, I have a mission for you. Can you handle it?"

"A QUEST!" My arm shot into the air as if I was back in McGonagall's Transfiguration class. "I SHALL DO IT! IF I SHOULD DIE IN THE ATTEMPT, UH…." James pushed me onto the couch.

"O.K. then. Lily wants to have certain items at the wedding. It's a muggle tradition, and she did grow up as one. Do you think you can find her something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue?"

"Sure Prongsie- Poo!" I pinched his cheek. "Something moldy, something crude, something obnoxious and something nude! I'm on it!"

Then I passed out.

Oooo

Man, was this going to be hard. How could I pick what to get for Two-Shoes when Prongs made me promise to stick to the actual words? Maybe I could still put my own spin on it, if I thought hard enough. I could really do something extremely memorable with this opportunity…I LOVE magic! And don't forget… I RULE!

Oooo

There was two days left before Prongs and Lily got married. I might have to work on some of these out of order, but if my calculations were right they would all effect the wedding day. Now I was getting really excited.

The first thing I had to do was pay a visit to my least favorite grease ball, Snivellus. I rapped hard on his door, hoping he was still as gullible as he used to be. I needed him for my plan to work.

"You!" His face distorted into a grimace as he opened the door and saw who was calling.

"Me!" I said cheerfully. "Snivelly, how HAVE you been? It's been simply TOO …"

"Cut the crap! What the hell do you want?"

I put on an affronted look. "I just want to talk to you, Snivelly- Kins!"

"That's a load of dragon dung and you know it!"

"Now now Snivelly, aren't you going to invite me in?"

"Of course not."

"Hmm, I seem to remember a little incident in our first year Snapey. The details are slightly shady, but I remember a certain diary I found in old Sluggie's classroom. What a coincidence, I thought to myself. It's written in Snivelly's handwrit…"

"O.K., what in Merlin's name do you want?"

"No need to be snarky! I just need a simple aging potion from you."

Snape laughed mirthlessly. "A flobberworm could brew that easy of a potion…"

I remember thinking that he was a git, because I had scored only slightly lower than him on my Potions N.E.W.T. I just didn't feel like making it, and I needed an excuse to invite him to the wedding. "Precisely why I came to you!"

"Git."

"I might well be. Are you coming to Prongsie's wedding?"

"Never in a million years."

"Dear Diary, I can't believe James Potter likes Lily Evans. She is way to good for him, and if I cared even the slightest…"

"You can't scare me."

"I'm the best man. I get to make a speech at the reception." I smiled sweetly.

Severus finally looked beaten. "Do I have to dress up?"

Phases 'old' and 'new' were now in effect.

Oooo

Now, to understand the 'borrowed' phase, you have to realize that the only time James and Lily could get married was smack dab right in the middle of Moony's DADA Mastery test. (That's the exam anybody who wants to be a professor has to take. Moony is just an overachiever. I don't think he actually ever considered teaching.)

So I broke into the Ministry of Magic the same night I paid my visit to Snivelly. I found the exams, and turned Remus' answer sheet into a portkey set for the right time. Let's just say that if he got caught by it unawares, he probably shouldn't be taking that exam! Oh well.

Phase 'borrowed', all systems go! Blastoff! (I saw the little people in Two-Shoes' black box say that once. I don't know what it means.)

The 'blue' phase will have to wait for the big day.

Oooo

Finally it was the day Lily had been waiting for all her life. I, however, was planning to turn it into a circus. What did she expect, anyway? Asking me to do this part of the dirty work was not her brightest career move. I couldn't help feeling, though, that deep down somewhere she was a prankster too. That she WANTED this to happen…

Wishful thinking, Sirius old chum.

The quartet was now tuning up. James was mutilating the white carnation from the outer pocket of his dress robes in sweaty hands. His hair was a complete disaster. To be frank, he looked like shit.

I decided to keep my distance and work on my mission. I had magically painted all the chairs for this outdoor ceremony a light shade of blue earlier, and left a specific chair without the convenience of a drying spell. I waited for Wormy to enter the courtyard where the ceremony was about to take place and led him to said chair. I totally rock!

I watched Alice and Frank, themselves newlyweds, cuddle on a little secluded park bench just far enough into the distance as to not disturb the outside world.

Still watching the two, I pulled the phial of aging potion from my pocket and poured it into a goblet of iced pumpkin juice commandeered from a waiter. Running over to the Longbottoms, I couldn't believe that everything was actually running smoothly. Come to think of it, I could. My plans ALWAYS work, because I'm amazing!

"Here Frankie! I brought you something cool and sweet. You can have the juice, too!" My wink made Alice's cheeks color. This was just too funny.

Frank took a long draught from the goblet and made to hand it to Alice, but I 'accidentally' knocked it out of his hand.

"Sorry! I just tripped a little."

Frank eyed me suspiciously. "What did you do the juice, Sirius!"

Crap. He was onto me. I ran back to the center of the large courtyard and took my place beside James. The skin under his eyes was puffy and a blotchy red. And, after years of late night marauding, I knew that meant he hadn't slept a wink. He really did love her, didn't he?

oooo

I took the opportunity of the entire crowd watching Prongsie and Lily's first kiss as a married couple to scan the rows for Snivelly. I spotted him in the very back, and cast the spell I had made up in my fifth year that I liked to call the 'Super Duper Glitter-Glue Spell'.

At that very moment, several things happened at once. The photographer made his way up the aisle towards us, ready to take a picture. Frank screamed, "MERLIN'S BEARD! I HAVE A BEARD!"

Snape screamed, "MY FINGERS ARE STUCK, AND HOW THE HELL DID I GET _GLITTER_ IN MY EYEBROW!"

Wormtail stood, looking for the source of the commotion, and finally realized that he had been sitting in wet paint. The entire back side of his robes were smothered in light blue gooiness, and the rest of the crowd immediately made sure their chairs were dry.

Moony appeared out of nowhere and fell onto Prongs, knocking him over. Both were extremely confused.

Lily stood where she was and screamed, over all the commotion, "SIRIUS BLACK!"

Everyone turned to look at me. I was laughing hysterically, and the photographer took a picture of me like that. I wonder if James still has the photo…

"WHAT DID YOU DO?"

"Just what you asked me to, Two-Shoes!"

"Where do you get off saying that!" James piped in.

"I tried to keep my promise, Prongsie, but look…" I pointed at Frank, who had sprouted a white beard that trailed to the end of his robes and grey, wispy hair just as long. "Something old. I couldn't think of anything new, so I changed it to 'glued' hence…" I motioned toward Snivelly, his left hand fingers attached to his thick eyebrow and his right hand fingers trying to shake off a small compact mirror that was screaming in a high-pitched voice. "I put that old super glue spell on his fingers. Moony here I 'borrowed' from the Ministry, and Wormtail is something blue!"

At first I thought everyone was going to be mad at me, when Lily burst out laughing. "Sirius, I couldn't have done it better myself." She kissed me on the forehead, and I blushed.

I RULE. I AM THE KING!

Oooo A Year Foreword oooO

I woke up on Prongsie's couch, with Harry fast asleep on my stomach. He looked so peaceful. There was a note pinned to his pyjamas, and it was in Lily's handwriting.

_Dear Git,_

_You talked yourself to sleep last night. We wanted to know if you would take care of Harry awhile, James wants us to spend some time together today. By the way, thanks for everything._

_Lily_

_P.S. We'll be in Venice, Ciao!_

I chuckled, and it woke Hare-Bare up. His eyes were small emerald slits, but the sleepy smile on his face indicated that today, like all the days I spent with my godson, would be the best day of my life.

ooooooooooooooooooooooo 15 YEARS LATER ooooooooooooooooooooooo

I sigh now as a stare back through the clouds at you, my beautiful godson, but I can't be with you anymore. It breaks my heart. And though, my little Hare-Bare, this will be my last bedtime story to you, I promise that I'll be with you through everything. Now go to sleep, it's ok. I'll see you someday. It was always because of your love that I brought you're parents together at every turn, it's you that makes me amazing. Go to sleep…

_Though the world is fast asleep,_

_Though you're pillow is soft and deep_

_You're not sleepy, as you seem_

_Stay awake_

_Don't loft and dream…_

Finis

New A/N: I am reposting this chapter now to fix some typos and stuff. I'm glad you guys like this story, it was amazingly fun to write. BTW, the whole Snape part of the chappie was based on a seemingly normal conversation I had with a good friend on the telephone. Out of the middle of nowhere she yelled, "I've got glitter in my eyebrow!" It was friggin hilarious. I had to fit it in somehow. Just thought you guys might like to know, seeing as the Super-Duper Glitter Glue spell isn't exactly canon. Ja!


	4. Epilouge again

Disclaimer: I still don't own Sirius… sigh…

A/N: Bad Knight Fox! Bad :Bangs head on wall: This was supposed to be finished! And yet, I couldn't help myself. I have been trying so hard to finish my other story, but this plot bunny ATTACKED me! So here is the epilogue. I'm DONE. I'd also like to apologize for the total unreality of this chapter. Believe me, I know. But this is fan fiction… and I'm allowed to pretend, right? Believe me, me not understanding the books has never been the issue. So, if this chappie bugs you, you can stick with my sad little ending. I, though, am a happy ending person… so, here it is!

Epilogue

Harry woke up suddenly from a horrible nightmare, shaking and covered in sweat. He was still terrified for a few moments without his glasses or wand, and his scar was ripping his forehead in half. Cool hands gently caressed his forehead, whispered comforting words, and somebody started humming a lullaby. The tune seemed vaguely familiar, and lulled him back to sleep.

oooo

Ginny almost cried when she saw the state Harry was in. Everyday had been a living hell since he had broken up with her at Dumbledore's funeral, and she wanted so desperately to comfort him. She couldn't pass up the opportunity she had walking past the room he was staying in on her way for a midnight snack, when she saw him writhe around in his sleep.

'_He won't even know it was me. I'll just get him back to sleep, and then I'll feel better because he will feel better. Yeah.'_

So she crawled up next to him on Fred's old bed, cringing when it creaked under the extra weight. She put her hands on his face… he was burning up. That's when the tears really did start coming. In between quiet suppressed sobs, she whispered:

"Go back to sleep, it's only a dream. Shhh… It will be over soon. You can sleep now, I'm right here with you."

Like she had known it all her life, a tune brought itself to Ginny's lips. She had no idea what the words were, but the melody sounded sweet, clear, and comforting so she continued. Where had she heard it before?

Harry seemed to calm down after a minute or so, and Ginny knew she had no right to stay any longer. She kissed his forehead, and continued her quest downstairs for some biscuits and a glass of milk.

Oooo

Fred and George were worried about Harry. They had installed some things in the Burrow before they left… a sort of magical security system with connected mirrors and extendable ears. They hadn't known if it would ever be necessary for them to watch what was going on in the house when they installed the thing, but with Harry's mental health at stake it was a blessing for them and the Order. The system gave them the ability to 'check up on him' from time to time anywhere in the Burrow from the comfort of their own flat. Except the toilets. That would have been disgusting.

Anyway, the boys were up late developing some new products when they heard the oddest thing coming from the monitoring station, a sort of humming sound. Their surprise was quickly turned to mischievous interest when Fred and George saw their baby sister calm Harry into restful sleep, kiss him on the forehead, and leave. They knew they needed to do something before it was too late.

"Gred, I do believe that we have some more pressing matters to attend to than these sense amplifying amulets."

"I agree, Forge. But how can we do anything about it?"

"Simple, Gred. Ask for some help."

"BRILLIANT!" George jumped out of his chair and held his wand high into the air. He looked vaguely like a red-headed Statue of Liberty. "Accio, Map!" He concentrated his entire being into seeing the old parchment float through the open window…

Fred caught the yellowed map and said, serenely, "You can sit down now, git. I'm sure Harry won't mind us borrowing this. He won't be going back to Hogwarts anyway."

George snatched the map away from his brother and kissed it. He had missed Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs. Also, the reactions the parchment had to this action was always sodding hilarious.

**Mr. Moony would like to present his compliments to whoever just kissed a piece of parchment, and begs them not to do it ever again.**

_**Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Moony, and would like to add that whoever would kiss an inanimate object must be desperate.**_

**Mr. Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that anyone would kiss inanimate objects at all. **

_**Mr. Wormtail bids whoever kissed this thing good day, and advises them to find a girlfriend. Fast.**_

"Stupid git." Fred muttered under his breath at his brother.

**Who are you?**

"Fred and George Weasley."

_**Sorry, don't know anyone by that name. What year is it?**_

"It's the middle of 1996."

**Holy shit.**

Fred and George suppressed chuckles.

_**That makes us like… old!**_

**Shut up Worms.**

_**Shut up Worms. **_

**Shut up Worms.**

**Well, Fred and George, you obviously know how to work this, so you must be troublemakers.**

"Yes sir!" Both boys said at the same time.

**What do you need?**

"Help." Said Fred, "Our little sister is in love with a boy, but she won't admit it and the boy isn't known for making the first move…"

**Sounds familiar, Prongsie-Poo.**

_**Git.**_

Fred and George exchanged smiles. Harry had told them years ago who Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs actually were. This was extremely amusing.

**Who is the boy? Maybe we know his parents, and that will give us some more information to help you out.**

George had been waiting for this question. "Harry Potter."

**Really? This is creepy…**

**NO WAY!**

_**Potter is a common last name, right?**_

_**Prongs is a dad!**_

**Do you know who his parents are? For sure?**

"The entire world knows. He is the only son of James and Lily Potter."

**SCORE! I TOLD YOU SO!**

_**Bloody hell…**_

**I know exactly what you need. There is a secret passageway marked on the map, it runs from the cellar of one of the buildings in Hogsmeade (I hope Honeydukes is still open!) to the statue of a one-eyed-witch. Right after you enter from the Hogwarts end, on the right hand side is a loose rock. That's where I stash all of my filled journals. After a gazillion attempts to fix up my friends, you should find something useful in them.**

"Thanks a bunch, Padfoot!"

_**Guys, can I ask you something?**_

"Shoot."

_**What does he look like?**_

"Well, our old DADA teacher, Professor Lupin, always says that he looked the spitting image of James, with Lily's eyes. His hair is an absolute disaster though."

**How interesting. **

_**Aww. How…**_

**Shut it.**

_**Party pooper.**_

**I know.**

_**Fred and George, does Harry play quiddich?**_

"We are proud to say that we were the beaters when he became the youngest seeker of the century for Gryffindor."

_**Your sister, is she nice? What does she look like?"**_

"She's perfect for him… He's been having a hard time lately, and we know she wants to help. She has red hair, like the rest of us, and she is pretty. We're only admitting that because you can't tell anyone anyway."

**Did you hear that, Prongsie? Red hair…**

_**Shush.**_

_**Good luck, boys!**_

"Thanks. Mischief managed!"

All of the writing slowly faded out of sight. "We have some work to do, Gred."

"Sirius' old diaries will be priceless to us…"

"…so we better get going!"

The apparated behind Honeydukes.

Oooo

"Wow, everything's here! He continued bring old diaries here until…"

"…yeah, I see. The last entry in the top of the stack of books is dated October 31, 1981."

"The day the Potters…"

"Yep."

Oooo

They sat for hours with the old books scattered around them, laughing almost constantly at their old friend's anecdotes. Finally, George jumped in the air and yelled, "I got it!"

The boys decided to go home for breakfast. Wasting time was certainly not a problem the twins ever suffered from. They were going to make Harry and Gin-Gin see reason, the damn noble idiots.

Oooo

It was odd, to say the least, for Fred to see the buzzing breakfast table and everyone gathered around it completely still. Just like Sirius had written, it was the weirdest feeling. But he kept going, moving along the seats to where Harry and Ginny were sitting next to each other. They were squashed together from the sheer number of people trying to sit at the table, and their legs were touching. "Abremous."

As chaos ensued, Fred and George looked up to the blue, cloudless sky above they garden where they were eating. "Thanks mate. You've done it again."

oooo Years later oooo

Ginny stared at the baby in her arms, and started humming the lullaby she always remembered the melody to, but never the lyrics.

"Gin, what song is that? It sounds familiar. Like I've heard it before."

"I don't really know Harry. I can't remeber anything else about it. I think I heard it in a dream once, or something."

She kept humming.

"I know what it is! He shot out of the chair he was sitting in. "The song from Mary Poppins!"

"What?"

"Nevermind. I'll explain later.

"I love you, Harry."

"Love you too, Gin."


End file.
